It's Not Okay
by MissScarlett21
Summary: Kurt rushes home after Blaine's performance of "It's Not Right, But it's OK." He has a LOT of feelings and is unsure what to do with them. Basically this is a fic that kind of illustrates what happened to Kurt after that song. Also, a convo with Sam.
1. Part 1

Kurt couldn't get out of McKinley's parking lot fast enough. No one in Glee even tried to stop him from leaving shortly after Blaine stormed out. Without even checking to see if Blaine's car was still in the lot, he started the ignition and managed to get home – though if you asked him, he wouldn't be able to recall a second of the drive. He breathed a sigh of relief when he noticed no other cars in the driveway; he was safe from any interrogation for now at least.

He stormed through the house and promptly shut and locked his door. There sheer amount of different feelings running through him right then was practically paralyzing. He had NO idea what to do: should he play some loud, angry Adele and belt along to see if that might help, or was the risk of sitting around listening to gSomeone Like Youh for hours and sobbing on the corner of his bed too great?

Deciding Adele was a probably a terrible idea, Kurt threw on his Wicked Soundtrack and dove into the only other thing besides performing and Blaine's presence that can calm and center him: _clothes_. He rummaged through his wardrobe, scrutinizing old shirts and judging whether or not the pairs of pants in back even fit anymore. It was when the thought of taking the too-short slacks to Blaine to see if they fit him that knocked Kurt out of his fashion-induced haze. Kurt's shoulders immediately drooped and his head felt like it had suddenly gained fifteen pounds. It was so nice and safe in the dark reaches of his closet, mind to occupied on color coordination and switching out his winter wear for his spring collection...why did he have to leave that space? Why was everything suddenly going to shit? Blaine just wouldn't let this go, and he couldn't figure out _WHY_.

Kurt's chest tightened a bit and a very confusing urge to cry, yell and/or possibly vomit washed over him. Since the house was still empty, Kurt just threw himself onto his bed and screamed into a pillow. It was a scream of frustration and embarrassment – Blaine actually sang in front of the _entire _Glee club, basically airing out their dirty laundry (did they even really have any? Apparently so, if the looks Blaine was throwing at him during the song was any indication). Was this how Finn, Rachel and Quinn felt afterward so many times? As much as he loved his friends, he did NOT want to be like Finn and Rachel, much less Finn and Quinn. For so long he had prided himself and Blaine for not using Glee as their own platform to work out their conflicts or parade their love around. And now that was over. Too?

The next scream that followed a deep gasp for air was more of a wail of confusion with a pang of guilt, but Kurt tried to stuff that down as quickly as he could. There were many reasons Blaine knew nothing about Chandler...first of all, they never spoke again for the rest of that day – Blaine never answered Kurt's nightly call so they could chat about their days and discuss their outfits the next day. Then, Kurt would once again try to coax Blaine into trying the new pore minimizer he'd bought the two of them (_Blaine, if we're going to be world-famous, we need to have perfect skin! Do you even _know_ what stage lights and camera flashes can do to one's complexion?_). And as always, Blaine would humor him after insisting Kurt would never need to worry about looking less than amazing on a red carpet. Kurt knew Blaine was just humoring him with the moisturizer because not only had the pores near the top of Blaine's cheek NOT shrunken at all, his lightly tanned face never got any darker from the dollop of bronzer he added to the formula in hopes that he could have Blaine glow like he had all summer throughout the cold months as well. He did notice the skin around Blaine's knuckles and palm darken a little, and laughed at himself while thinking _well at least he's using the lotion for something at all. _

The next day, though Chandler's texts continued and were all sweet and ego-boosting, Kurt didn't even consider purposely just not mentioning his new...friendship?...with Chandler (it's not lying if it never comes up, right?) until the pickup lines started. They were cheesy and hilarious, and though he was almost certain Chandler was just being funny, it felt nice to have someone compliment his looks again – even if it was among the likes of _gAre you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see!h _

"Excuse me, I think you have something in your eye. Oh wait, it's just a sparkle.h was one of his favorites that he got a few says later, because it reminded him of the sweet things Blaine would say when they were alone. Speaking of Blaine, they had spent a total of an hour outside of school together that week, and while Kurt never considered himself a fan of public affection, he found himself wishing for Blaine to just grab his hand in the hall, or kiss his cheek before going into his classroom. Blaine backing out of dates (he had **never **backed out their dates until recently – not even a severe bout of the flu could stop Blaine Anderson Circa December 2011 from showing up at Kurt's front door with poinsettias, a stack of movies, and a face mask so he wouldn't spread his germs to Kurt (Kurt had ended up missing that next week of school, but it had been _so,_ so worth it.

Suddenly their love-life had been reduced to having only a spare few scheduled make-out sessions - they had a hidden chart in Blaine's desk that contained their respective family members' schedules so they could work out when and where they would most likely be alone for the longest amount of time. While Kurt definitely missed that aspect of their relationship, he would honestly be happy with sitting next to Blaine on the family couch watching football. Yes, this was really eating at him.

All Kurt knew was that Chandler's texts made him smile, and he wasn't ready to give that up – even when he'd opened his phone just before 3rd period to _gDid you clean your pants with Windex? I can practically see myself in them.h _Kurt immediately blushed and suppressed a short laugh. Their sharing of bad pickup lines had gotten to an almost competition level, but this one gave him slight niggling at the bottom of his stomach that he couldn't place. They traded one-liner jokes, but they had never verged on sexual innuendo before. Kurt flushed a little more; it was a strange feeling to think that someone other than Blaine might view him in that way - and make it _known! _Kurt was almost starting to worry that Blaine was no longer attracted to him, or at least as much as he used to because the intimacy was severely lacking.

By the end of that period, Kurt managed to convince himself that it probably didn't mean that much, and it was just Chandler stepping up his game in what was fast becoming a consuming competition of internet searches for new lines, bursts of laughter, and nightly in box erasures – just in case. Oh, it wasn't that Kurt felt guilty or wanted to hide the evidence, it was just that the others might not never looked through his phone, but he was always surrounded by Rachel, Finn and the other Glee Gossips and he just didn't want to start any unnecessary drama.

Kurt snorted into his pillow at the thought of once worrying about a little drama. It had taken him an hour before he sent back,_gI don't have a library card, but do you mind if I check you out?h_ A whole new wave of one-liners started, this time there seemed to be no holding back.

While most were still just silly or flattering, more risque texts started arriving intermittently from Chandler and each time his face grew a little warm. Kurt still wasn't used to the idea that someone might want to pursue or woo him. No one had every done that, and Blaine never had to. While he knew he would never allow Chandler to actually catch him, it was almost enough of the good feelings he needed to fill the Blaine-sized hole that seemed to exist. The game started to take up even more of his time, sending him into quiet giggling fits in class.

Sam seemed to enjoy reading some of Chandler's funnier lines that he got while in Glee Rehearsal (he had accidentally read over his shoulder one day and from then on he was like a silent witness to what Kurt still felt was innocent, teenage fun with someone he had a lot in common with. Rachel, however, had been less than pleased when she realized Kurt was regularly texting another boy without Blaine's knowledge. But who was _Rachel_ to dole out moral advice anyway? She made out with her boyfriend's best friend who had also impregnated his _last_ girlfriend just to make him jealous. What Kurt was doing was nothing like that! He was simply filling a void temporarily until Blaine got over whatever it was he was stressed about and they could go back to spending all their time together. Chandler was a friend who understood what Kurt was going through, and really they mostly just joked around and sent each other pictures of funny brooches and accessories...that's _all._

Kurt's adamance of this point sent a jolt of anger that he hadn't been expecting. This time it wasn't about being embarrassed in front of his friends; Blaine had called him a _cheater_. Kurt resented the accusation so much, he couldn't think of a way to quantify it. He and Chandler hadn't even hung out outside of looking at sheet music and discussing audition pieces at Between the Sheets - much less _kissed_, or _worse_. He loved Blaine, and had no intention of replacing him.

After the whole Sebastian thing, did Blaine really have the audacity to condemn him for talking to someone who might like him? At least Chandler respected Kurt's boundaries. And while Kurt might not have ever explicitly stated that he had a boyfriend named Blaine, Chandler never pushed for more than silly texts and debates about things like using the same song for multiple auditions. Kurt knew he had struck a nerve when he told Blaine he enjoyed how Chandler made him feel, but really, maybe he needed to know _why_ Kurt might want to maintain a flirty friendship to begin with. _He'd _ been the one who was distant and bailing on dates..._He_ was the one who stopped noticing Kurt's new/re-purposed accessories..._HE_ was the one who pulled away from post-"make-out" cuddles almost as soon as they'd started because he _"had to be home,"_ when normally they would stare at each other for what felt like hours babbling about how lucky they were, and Blaine would somehow find something new about Kurt he loved.

And then Blaine was somehow surprised, hurt and upset when he sees Kurt finding some of that validation elsewhere? And innocently at that! He almost retorted that if he'd wanted to cheat he more than likely could have. He'd read the texts, even Kurt wasn't that naive anymore. Chandler definitely had a crush, but Kurt wasn't ready to let him down yet and lose what he had been missing and looking for for almost a month. Instead, he tried to calm Blaine down by explaining that it was completely platonic and nothing had ever happened. That everything was going to be OK because he was sorry for hiding it, but nothing had happened. And now that Blaine knew the source of Kurt's behavior, maybe things could improve! Instead he promptly found himself alone with a tray containing way too much food for one person, and a sour taste in the back of his mouth.

A part of him began to wish that Blaine HAD gone to the music store with him that first day. Then they would have met Chandler together. In another universe, he is sure Blaine would have liked him and insisted on becoming friends. At the very least he might understand the short-lived uncertainty Kurt had when Sebastian first appeared. Blaine's never had to be jealous of someone better-looking than him coming around to sweep Kurt off his feet and away. Kurt sees how many people check Blaine out (guys, girls, Kurt's sure even small animals are attracted to those white teeth and shining earnest eyes) – likely wondering why that skinny pale boy was following him around. Not to mention a little jealousy and possessiveness wasn't always a bad thing (Kurt learned this after one frustrating run-in with Sebastian that led to a very rough and AMAZING hour and a half at Blaine's house as soon as they got back).

All Kurt could see and feel during Blaine's performance was a fire he'd never seen before in Blaine's eyes, while the rest of the kids gaped, stared, and – did Sam _really _shake his head in disappointment at him? He was going to have to hide away from both him and Finn for at least a couple of days until he and Blaine could work things out (could they? At this point Kurt was so confused he had no idea where they might even stand at the moment). It's a good thing Burt was always out at dinners and meetings. Missing Friday Night Dinners was an adjustment, but it also left a fairly empty house a lot of the time, and now Kurt got to avoid Burt's all-seeing gaze.

Suddenly the track changed (he had forgotten he even had music _on_), and Kurt's blood stopped cold as he snapped from his thoughts. gFor Goodh was starting. While he had sung the song with Rachel in New York, it was this duet that had helped both of them realize their true dreams. Rachel's was Broadway and New York, gno matter whath. Kurt's were also those things, but biggest revelation was that Blaine was now at the top of that list. They had talked about it even _then_ and Blaine didn't hesitate for a second when he agreed, and said he was gon boardh - they had ignored the looming fact that Blaine was a grade below, but they both seemed so sure and confident in the future that a detail like having to spend the majority of a year apart from one another seemed so trivial.

For the first time since this debacle had begun, Kurt really wanted to cry. Blaine seemed _so_ angry and upset. Did he even want to follow Kurt anymore? Were they even gKurt-and-Blaineh at all? The nausea he felt earlier returned and Kurt just squeezed his eyes and tried to think of how he was going to bring this all up with Blaine. He hadn't even done anything really all that _wrong_...he just needed to calmly explain everything and surely Blaine would eventually understand. The tiniest thought of many Blaine had been just waiting for an excuse to leave entered his brain just as Kurt fell into a fitful sleep.

* * *

**Thank you SO much for reading! Feel free to leave some feedback - Part 2 (the confrontation/convo with Sam) should be up tomorrow night. I REALLY wanted to finish it tonight, but I am exhausted, and this is only my 2nd fic _ever_, so I want to be more clear-headed as I finish up. **


	2. Part 2

**A/N: Part 2! Finally got Kurt and Sam's convo out...I apologize for the quality - dialogue isn't my strong point. I re-read it a lot and fixed most of the tense issues I think, but I apologize in advance for any problems - all errors are my own.**

**But yeah, enjoy! Please let me know what you thought about this chapter, and overall...I don't write much, so any feedback I can get I appreciate!**

* * *

Kurt woke up unsure of where he was and why. After a quick survey and realization that he was in his room, he noticed that he had apparently passed out from some kind of emotional exhaustion for four hours - fully clothed, and boots tied. He was a mess.

After fixing his hair from it's rumples state and attempted to un-wrinkle his shirt (normally he would probably be more upset about having to send it out for steam-pressing so soon after getting it back) and ventured downstairs to force some food into his system before trying to get some homework done and going to bed. Again.

Quiet sounds of silverware rustling in the kitchen stopped Kurt in his tracks. He was in NO mood to talk to Carol or his father...too many questions. If it were Finn and/or Sam, he could most likely just remain silent or bitch-glare them into submission and avoid discussing the day's events. He crept up to the corner to peek. Kurt quietly sighed in relief - it was only Sam making a sandwich. As nauseated as he still felt, he really_ did_ need to eat something.

Avoiding eye contact, Kurt walked into the kitchen, opening the refrigerator to grab the sliced turkey and tomatoes and reached for the bread in the cupboard.

"Hey dude."

Ugh, there it was. Kurt was hoping Sam would have caught onto the vibe and just stayed quiet, but no. Apparently subtlety is lost among the Tall Handsome Jock crowd.

"Hi, Sam." He hoped that would be enough and tried to make a sandwich in record time.

But it was as he put away his supplies that Kurt's attitude gets the best of him. Sam is _still_ looking at Kurt with this..._look_...on his face – the same one he had in Glee today when Blaine decided to advertise their business to the public. Like he was judging Kurt, or expecting something from him.

"Can I _help_ you, Sam? Are my sandwich-making techniques offensive to you, or is this now your default expression and I just haven't gotten the memo?"

"I just can't believe you'd ever cheat on Blaine...I'm mostly in shock really. And yeah, dude, kinda disappointed."

Oh, for the love of – did _everyone_ now believe that Kurt was a cheater? Had they all so readily sided with Blaine without even knowing Kurt's side?

Also, why was it so shocking that Kurt could be capable of infidelity (not that he would ever _want _to)? Part of him wanted to believe that the shock came from the fact that he was being held to a higher moral ground than the rest of his peers – who hardly batted a lash when this happened amongst them. But the larger part just _knew_ that most thoughts likely ran along the line of _"Kurt actually FOUND someone else other than Blaine?_" and _"No way he could do better than handsome, talented Blaine...what the hell is he thinking?"_

Kurt shook his head from his peers' imaginary thoughts and placed a hard, steady gaze in Sam's direction. Normally he would look him in the eye, but today Kurt hadn't been able to manage it with anyone other than a few attempts to catch Blaine's attention.

"You _do_ realize that you sat next to me and laughed at almost all of Chandler's texts, right? You SAW that there was nothing going on there other than flirty banter and cheesy pick-up lines." At the very least he could understand Rachel being disappointed, but Sam had even chimed in with a few good one-liners to send! "Nothing ever moved beyond that!"

"One: I didn't know that Blaine didn't know about this kid. If I had known that, I would have stopped. I mean, he was right next to us in Glee some days!"

"And two: It doesn't matter that you guys never hooked up or anything. Blaine still feels cheated on – you cheated emotionally, Kurt."

Emotional Cheating? He could see that if he were exchanging "I love you"s or texting about how they missed each other...

"But I'm in love with Blaine. I _love_ Blaine. It was nothing like that with Chandler"

Oh God, Kurt was actually feeling sick just from saying this kid's name anymore...there was no way they could remain friends at this point.

"Then why didn't Blaine know about him, huh?"

And THERE was the million dollar question. In his mind it all made sense and was really just a way to avoid any unnecessary mess. But clearly he had judged wrong.

"I didn't want him getting the wrong idea! After the crap with Sebastian, I didn't want Blaine feeling like this was me 'getting back' at him or something. This was for me...having someone compliment me that wasn't my family, a friend, my boyfriend or coming with a ton of baggage...was nice. I get how it looked bad, but he just won't listen!"

"_You're_ not listening, dude!" Sam actually looked a little exasperated. "Look. Remember when Quinn cheated on me with Finn?

Kurt nodded. Of course he remembered. He may have been at Dalton, but Finn still lived in the room next to his and had to listen all about him and Quinn making out behind Sam's back. He also had to sleep downstairs for a week in order to avoid Finn's mono.

"Well, even though I handled it poorly by agreeing to Santana's insane mistress idea, I was pretty beat up about it. But it wasn't the kissing or hooking up that really hurt...it was the fact that Quinn had pretty much replaced me behind my back. She was getting something from Finn that she wasn't getting from me. Finn had her heart, and that broke mine."

Kurt actually felt for Sam for a moment, but his need to defend himself took over. "OK, but they were still sneaking around _together_, kissing, hanging out – whatever those two did together when they weren't miserable. They were in what they thought was 'love.' I don't see how that applies here. I don't love this other person, I barely even know him!"

And then Kurt couldn't help himself from throwing another dagger. "Besides, you're no innocent party, mister. It's a bit hard to take you at face value when you waltzed back into McKinley claiming you were going to 'win' Mercedes back – despite the fact that she was with Shane – nor were you quiet about this mission. I also recall you playing a pretty large part in their split." His eyebrow raised at Sam, feeling a little smug at putting him back into his place. Not ONE of his friends (save for Mike and Tina) had any real right to preach about infidelity to him, and he was not about to let them.

Immediately it was like Sam had been punched in the gut. He looked down, biting his lip for a second before looking back up at Kurt, his voice softer this time.

"You're right, Kurt...and it was one of the biggest mistakes I've ever made. Instead of letting Mercedes come to her own decision about us versus her current relationship, I pushed. And because of that she broke Shane's heart, as well as her own. Now she hardly even looks at me without some kind of pain in her eyes..."

Sam's voice broke a little at this confession, and while he and Mercedes weren't as close as they used to be, Kurt knew some of what happened and really did feel bad for the both of them. Kurt offered a sympathetic glance, but really had nothing else to give.

"I think the reason I wanted her back so bad was because she represented so much GOOD I had in my life before we moved and I had to get that job at the strip club. She was _so _nice to me, didn't care about what my family had...and I still care about her. A lot. But in my rush to feel good about _myself_, I hurt the last person I wanted to hurt, and someone she loved."

A tight, uncomfortable feeling spread through Kurt's stomach after Sam finished. He couldn't tell if he was feeling sympathy, empathy, guilt, or if maybe his blood sugar had finally dropped too low; but he felt light-headed and had to fight back a couple of tears. Before he could say anything to Sam about his relationship with Mercedes, he noticed _that look_ on Sam's face again! Except now it was like he was expecting something from Kurt...not unlike his dad after a serious discussion. This was _really _getting old.

"Stop looking at me like that! What do you want me to say? That I'm guilty and a dirty, dirty cheat?"

Sam rolled his eyes, and Kurt fought back the desire to smash his sandwich into his face. He really just wanted to go back to his room, eat in peace and go to bed. Tomorrow he'd deal with how to handle Blaine.

But Sam wasn't done yet.

"Well, you kinda are. You might not think it's cheating but clearly Blaine does. I think you need to talk about it. Maybe a session with Miss Pillsbury? She sort of helped out me and Mercedes...it didn't really pan out but it kinda helped at the time, and I'm still hopeful for the future." Sam's lopsided smile was something Kurt usually found endearing, but this was not a usual day, and Sam was suggesting a therapy session with the world's most incompetent Guidance Counselor.

Seriously. Sam wanted him and Blaine to get couples counseling from a woman who in the past three years had been married once and engaged twice? Kurt scoffed loudly.

"Please. All she'll probably do is cover her ears the second I mention intimacy and shove some really offensive pamphlets in our faces about 'My Boyfriend Is Seeing Another Boy' or something."

Sam shrugged, "Her pamphlets can be surprisingly helpful. Sometimes the title or cover art is super weird, but the general content really gives you what you need."

Kurt just rolled his eyes and moved to gather his sandwich and a bottle of water from the fridge.

"Seriously though, you two are so good together...you shouldn't give up on Blaine so easily. I don't think he's really given up on you. Yeah, he's mad and really hurt, but you only get that hurt when you love someone. If he really didn't care, do you think he would have been so upset about you texting some other guy?"

He guesses that if Blaine really was looking for a way out, he would have maybe encouraged his friendship with Chandler, rather than reacting so negatively...But then why was he being so weird and distant lately? Blaine couldn't have it both ways – either he needed to be present in the relationship, or allow Kurt some freedoms.

Kurt realized he really didn't **want **any freedoms.

"Look, Kurt. When you and Blaine helped me out last year by bringing me clothes and watching my brother and sister, I saw how solid you were _then._ And up until recently, I'd have put you in the same category as my parents as far as strength goes – you've been through so much yet always seem to come out stronger. If you guys can't get through this little thing...then what hope do the rest of us have?"

It took all the strength Kurt had not to cry. He missed Blaine so much already...but he had no idea what was going on in Blaine's head. Sam's words were lovely, but what if this really was it? The thing to break them wasn't a traumatic prom, an eye surgery, or aftermath of a suicide attempt; but a few dozen texts messages?

Kurt was quiet as he contemplated everything that happened today. Seemingly satisfied with what had occurred in the kitchen, Sam grabbed his glass, patting Kurt on the shoulder as he left to his room.

Positive he couldn't handle any more of this tonight from any of his other friends, Kurt turned off his phone. Hoping it would be a good way to clear his head after eating, he began some preemptive cleaning and packing for college. He pulled out his stack of sticky-notes, assigning each color a category and began to go through his things.

Tomorrow he'd maybe talk to Miss Pillsbury and set up a counseling session for the two of them. He's not quite ready to give up on them yet, and provided Blaine felt the same way – they wouldn't really need Miss Pillsbury anyway. He just needed a way to get Blaine in the same room as him. Kurt had never hoped that Sam was right about something more in his life.


End file.
